Chapter 17: Marriage and the Sacrament

The Sacrament
So let’s liken the relationship between husband and wife to our relationship with the Lord.  When we partake of the sacrament each Sunday we renew that relationship with him.  Most of us probably don’t even realize just how much participating in that ordinance, recommitting ourselves to patterning our lives after his, and partaking of the bread and water sustains us.  But we do know that we are not supposed to partake of it unworthily (3 Nephi 18:28).  Why?  Because if we do, we will be temporarily sustained IN OUR SINS (Alma 11:37).  The blessings of the sacrament bring us real peace.  When we are hypocritically disobeying the commandments of God and partaking of it, it acts kind of like a drug that numbs us to the real state of our situation.  If we’re sustained like that in our sins, what’s going to motivate us to repent?  It’s like eating a bunch a junk food our whole lives and taking meds to cover up the pain we subsequently experience so that we're never motivated to correct our diets.  It’s basically taking the Lord’s name in vain (Mosiah 13:15).  If we don’t repent we’ll keep going on whatever pathway we’re headed and end up in whatever destination it leads us, which is not good if we are deviating from where we wanted to go in the first place! 

The atonement of Jesus Christ, symbolized by the sacrament, is put into place to give us time and space to figure it all out.  If we just take that time and space for granted and don't fulfill our end of the bargain, we may be content in the moment but we lose out in the end.  Mercy can't rob justice, meaning we will eventually end in the destination to which we are continuously headed, regardless of the cushioning effects we experience now.

Elder Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, compared the sacrament to the sexual relationship between husband and wife (see "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments").  Can you see where this is going?  The sexual relationship sustains both partners.  It actively demonstrates a renewal of their marriage commitment to each other.  It therefore sustains each one more than they probably know or understand IF they are both worthily partaking.  But if the husband is continuously deviating from his Bridegroom mission or involved with Deal Breakers without repentance and he is also partaking, he is doing so unworthily.  

The wife is standing in the role of an Enabler if she continues to force herself to engage in these activities with him in spite of the continual sickness she feels when she does so.  If a woman has ever crossed boundaries to some degree with any boy before marriage, she is acquainted with the reproving feelings that come after such an encounter.  She will experience these same feelings with her husband if he is continually deviating without repentance.  And if she doesn't know what's going on she will pair the sickness feeling with intimacy in general.  This will lead her to think she doesn't like sexual relations.  But what's really happening is that the Holy Ghost is instructing her to withhold this relationship from her husband so that she does not “cover up the pain” that will motivate him to return to his Bridegroom mission and the pathway that leads to a Soulmates Marriage.

Not all wives will sense this difference in the Spirit and even less will act upon it.  A Wise Virgin does.  She is more allegiant to God than she is to her husband.  That’s a temporary Deal Breaker for that specific marriage but it is one that is authorized by God.  Keep in mind that she still is commanded to forgive him, treat him with kindness, and work to resolve whatever conflicts she can with him.  Friendship Attraction can be maintained when she utilizes the Atonement of Jesus Christ for support.  It's Romantic Attraction that is inhibited for as long as there is no sincere repentance for ongoing Deal Breakers.

“And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.”  ~Mark 10:29-30 

“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, [or husband, yea and his own life also; or in other words, is afraid to lay down his life for my sake, he cannot be …] my disciple.  And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” ~Luke 14:26-27 (content in brackets is JST)

A little note on these scriptures.  We know that in other places Jesus has said to love your neighbor as yourself and to love your enemies so he probably does not mean by this scripture to hate others in the way we interpret that word.  I believe he’s saying to choose to follow God over anyone else even if that will make the other person mad at us or create an incompatible relationship as a result.  It's about not allowing the opinions, direction, and guidance of others who conflict with God compete with him in our estimation.  We don't want to disobey God's commandments because it's not "politically correct" in our marriage or in any other relationship.

So many conflicts in marriage arise because husband and wife are listening to conflicting Marriage Counselors and influences.  One of the most common messages sent by conflicting Marriage Counselors is that Deal Breakers are the only way to resolve marital conflict.  If husband and wife are playing by two separate sets of game rules they will experience contention in their relationship.

I think the reason the Lord is so adamant about not trusting in anyone who conflicts with his guidance is that no one can build any kind of sustainable relationship without him.  They can try but it won’t happen.  They can pretend but it won’t happen.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ = the rules of the Soulmates Marriage game.  That’s because the rules to keep relationships sustainable are as strict as the rules to keep any physical ecosystem or body sustainable (Moses 1:39).  There are inherent boundaries and limitations.  It's physics!  No one can get around them.  Not even God (Alma 42:13).  God can give us time and space to make plenty of mistakes while we learn how to follow the rules but in the end the rules need to be followed in order to obtain sustainable relationships (Alma 42:15). 

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ~John 14:6

“And now, my son, I have told you this that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn of me that there is no other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Christ. Behold, he is the life and the light of the world. Behold, he is the word of truth and righteousness.” ~Alma 38:9

The hope is that a husband will never require his wife to choose between him and God.  But if he does, a Wise Virgin will choose God’s will over her husband’s will because she knows that this is not only in her best interest but also in her husband's despite his present inability to see that.  She does this so he will repent and recommit—not to her alone, but to his God.  If instead he gets himself all caught up in the tight knots of pride and envy, the marriage will continue to deteriorate over time.