My Rule #4 Identifying the Rules of the Game line upon line: Sacrifice, Faith, and Repentance
When we research the rules of a Soulmates Marriage, we’re exercising our faith and demonstrating our willingness to repent. Researching is seeking to learn the higher law. It is seeking more advanced Soulmates skills. The more we understand them, the more narrow our pathway will become. Our sacrifice will need to increase. That’s why the higher rules of a Soulmates Marriage need to remain hidden until we voluntarily and purposefully seek to uncover them. When we do, we will be required to live by them. "To whom much is given, much is required" (JST, Luke 12:57).
In fact, if you haven’t guessed it already, the general rule of the Soulmates Marriage game is to sacrifice through continuous faith and repentance. In faith we sacrifice or repent of our own way of doing things for our Marriage Counselor’s way. We sacrifice the Deal Breakers for our spouse in spite of adversity and temptation. In faith, we stand back to back together in keeping the rules of the Soulmates Marriage game that our Marriage Counselor gives us even if we don’t completely understand the reasons behind them. Because of our faith we do not turn against him or each other in selfishness when the going gets tough.
Babies
up all night. What do I do? Money is tight. What do I do? House
is a mess and I'm exhausted. What do I do? Kids causing all
kinds of contention in the home. What do I do? Attractive coworker
flirts with me all the time. What do I do? Social media, interesting book, kids, friends are calling my attention but my spouse needs me. What do I do? Death
in the family and I'm grieving. Spouse doesn’t seem to understand. What do I do? Late night, tired, out of town, spouse not there for me. What do I do?
Someone else validating me, making me feel beautiful and attractive
again. What do I do? The romance novel starts getting a little
sketchy. What do I do? Feeling down and the ice cream, cookies,
chocolate, or cake
calling. What do I do? I just had a big fight with my spouse. I feel worthless. What do I do?
These are all chances to exercise my faith in the face of adversity and temptation.
Some people don't think turning to treats in moments of stress and boredom are Deal Breakers. They may not be for them. But through much experimentation I have found that they are Deal Breakers for me in my relationship with the Lord. While we usually think of substance abuse in the form of drugs or alcohol, I have seen the same tendencies in me with abusing food. The following video is an extreme example of someone who abused food as a means of coping with adversity, the specific consequences that she experienced, and her journey to learning how to turn to Christ and other members of his team instead of food when faced with adversity. Confession - Jessica’s Story about Food Addiction Recovery
Listen: "Oh How The Years Go By" by Amy Grant
Trials
and adversity strengthen faith. Because they exist they cause us to
stumble and make mistakes. But we learn from those mistakes, repent, and
become stronger. They have the potential to act like a vaccine. They
strengthen our immunity. This means we don’t have to separate from all
other people so we aren’t tempted. I believe God understands that there
are other people that will be attractive to us besides our spouse.
Acknowledging that objective truth is not a sin. But we do need to
exercise our agency in not pursuing and entertaining Reciprocity
Attraction thoughts, words, and/or actions with these people (#Deal
Breakers). This rule is about identifying our specific boundaries and
pathways. What should we ignore, delete, and repent of? What should we
accept, entertain, nourish, and have faith in? While we don’t seek out
temptation or adversity, we don’t go to crazy extents to avoid them
either. It is part of our refiner’s fire to hold steadfast in
commitment to our spouse in the face of them.
When we hold out against temptation, we strengthen our boundaries against it. This deepens the attraction between husband and wife. We’re saying to our spouse, “You are the best. Nothing compares 2U.” And that is way attractive!
But if one spouse doesn't hold steadfast in his commitment and the second does, how does the second remain true to the first? This is what Jesus meant when he said:
"...whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery" (bold added).
"Putting someone away" doesn't just mean the final act of divorcing him. We start putting him away when we start going to other sources for our needs when we should be going to him. We start putting him away when we start giving what belongs to him to someone else. Being "put away" is felt in our heart. We start feeling like we're not very valuable to our spouse and like we're only needed for one thing. And of course this usually spreads to how we feel about ourselves in general. It makes us feel worthless. And all this happens even though we don't know that our spouse is "putting us away."
When we hold out against losing it in the face of adversity, maintaining faith in Christ, we strengthen our pathways—our faith. This also deepens the attraction between husband and wife. We’re demonstrating our character. When we see our spouse doing this there is nothing more attractive! When we do it ourselves, we will sense our value more than ever before.
We aren't going to be perfect in our choices. There will be times when we yield to temptation and lose it in the face of adversity. It is the way that it is and we shouldn’t expect perfection from ourselves or our spouse. But through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can repent and become incrementally stronger against it. And that’s what we can and should expect of ourselves and our spouse. Making the same mistakes over and over again without ever advancing in our abilities to avoid them means we’re not really repenting. It means we’re addicted, have serious bad habits, and need to work with a specific member of our Marriage Counselor Team such as an authorized priesthood leader to get out.
Personal Story
Holding out against losing it in the face of adversity, maintaining faith in Christ, was not a strong point for me for many years of my marriage. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't understand how to actually have faith in Jesus Christ when things didn't go my way. And with babies, toddlers, and young children, things quite often didn't go my way. I've written a blog post on this topic: It's My Party. It basically tells how I had many a shrew-collapsing moment when my children were younger. My husband had to deal with it. I was not a pleasant person to be around during those times. Thus while remaining balanced in the face of conflict increases attraction between husband and wife, losing my balance did the opposite--decreased attraction. Who wants to be close to an angry person? And I certainly didn't feel very attractive during those years either. I believe this kind of adversity leaves the other spouse prone to the temptation of Deal Breakers. It wasn't until the Lord walked into my life (or I walked into his), that all that changed for me. He taught me how to deal with conflict without losing it. He showed me how to have faith in him when things didn't go my way. I learned how to spiritually run faster, hike higher, endure heavier weights. This was literally the turning point of my life. And this is why I "ran ahead of my spouse." My choices were: stay in shrew-bondage, which was causing conflict in our marriage OR run ahead to be retrained by the Lord himself, which ended up causing a different kind of conflict in the marriage. Either way I would lose that Soulmates Marriage with my spouse.
We
need to go through a type of repentance when we grow and become aware
of the more advanced Soulmate skills. We’re not saying we have a black
mark on our past because we were doing things one way that wasn’t
completely right. We are not held accountable for what we didn’t know
or understand. It was most likely not the worst thing that we
could have done, but just a lower level rule that we were following. Now we need to voluntarily substitute it for a higher level rule. Once
we know the better way, we use faith and sacrifice to make the
change. We sacrifice our old way of doing things for the higher law.
This is usually a process, not an overnight change.
"For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing—" ~Moroni 8:22
"Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him." ~2 Nephi 9:25
"Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil." ~Matthew 5:17
Listen: "Overnight" by Amy Grant (feat. Sarah Chapman)
When we research the rules of a Soulmates Marriage, we’re exercising our faith and demonstrating our willingness to repent. Researching is seeking to learn the higher law. It is seeking more advanced Soulmates skills. The more we understand them, the more narrow our pathway will become. Our sacrifice will need to increase. That’s why the higher rules of a Soulmates Marriage need to remain hidden until we voluntarily and purposefully seek to uncover them. When we do, we will be required to live by them. "To whom much is given, much is required" (JST, Luke 12:57).
In fact, if you haven’t guessed it already, the general rule of the Soulmates Marriage game is to sacrifice through continuous faith and repentance. In faith we sacrifice or repent of our own way of doing things for our Marriage Counselor’s way. We sacrifice the Deal Breakers for our spouse in spite of adversity and temptation. In faith, we stand back to back together in keeping the rules of the Soulmates Marriage game that our Marriage Counselor gives us even if we don’t completely understand the reasons behind them. Because of our faith we do not turn against him or each other in selfishness when the going gets tough.
These are all chances to exercise my faith in the face of adversity and temptation.
Some people don't think turning to treats in moments of stress and boredom are Deal Breakers. They may not be for them. But through much experimentation I have found that they are Deal Breakers for me in my relationship with the Lord. While we usually think of substance abuse in the form of drugs or alcohol, I have seen the same tendencies in me with abusing food. The following video is an extreme example of someone who abused food as a means of coping with adversity, the specific consequences that she experienced, and her journey to learning how to turn to Christ and other members of his team instead of food when faced with adversity. Confession - Jessica’s Story about Food Addiction Recovery
Listen: "Oh How The Years Go By" by Amy Grant
When we hold out against temptation, we strengthen our boundaries against it. This deepens the attraction between husband and wife. We’re saying to our spouse, “You are the best. Nothing compares 2U.” And that is way attractive!
But if one spouse doesn't hold steadfast in his commitment and the second does, how does the second remain true to the first? This is what Jesus meant when he said:
"...whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery" (bold added).
"Putting someone away" doesn't just mean the final act of divorcing him. We start putting him away when we start going to other sources for our needs when we should be going to him. We start putting him away when we start giving what belongs to him to someone else. Being "put away" is felt in our heart. We start feeling like we're not very valuable to our spouse and like we're only needed for one thing. And of course this usually spreads to how we feel about ourselves in general. It makes us feel worthless. And all this happens even though we don't know that our spouse is "putting us away."
When we hold out against losing it in the face of adversity, maintaining faith in Christ, we strengthen our pathways—our faith. This also deepens the attraction between husband and wife. We’re demonstrating our character. When we see our spouse doing this there is nothing more attractive! When we do it ourselves, we will sense our value more than ever before.
We aren't going to be perfect in our choices. There will be times when we yield to temptation and lose it in the face of adversity. It is the way that it is and we shouldn’t expect perfection from ourselves or our spouse. But through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can repent and become incrementally stronger against it. And that’s what we can and should expect of ourselves and our spouse. Making the same mistakes over and over again without ever advancing in our abilities to avoid them means we’re not really repenting. It means we’re addicted, have serious bad habits, and need to work with a specific member of our Marriage Counselor Team such as an authorized priesthood leader to get out.
Holding out against losing it in the face of adversity, maintaining faith in Christ, was not a strong point for me for many years of my marriage. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't understand how to actually have faith in Jesus Christ when things didn't go my way. And with babies, toddlers, and young children, things quite often didn't go my way. I've written a blog post on this topic: It's My Party. It basically tells how I had many a shrew-collapsing moment when my children were younger. My husband had to deal with it. I was not a pleasant person to be around during those times. Thus while remaining balanced in the face of conflict increases attraction between husband and wife, losing my balance did the opposite--decreased attraction. Who wants to be close to an angry person? And I certainly didn't feel very attractive during those years either. I believe this kind of adversity leaves the other spouse prone to the temptation of Deal Breakers. It wasn't until the Lord walked into my life (or I walked into his), that all that changed for me. He taught me how to deal with conflict without losing it. He showed me how to have faith in him when things didn't go my way. I learned how to spiritually run faster, hike higher, endure heavier weights. This was literally the turning point of my life. And this is why I "ran ahead of my spouse." My choices were: stay in shrew-bondage, which was causing conflict in our marriage OR run ahead to be retrained by the Lord himself, which ended up causing a different kind of conflict in the marriage. Either way I would lose that Soulmates Marriage with my spouse.
"For behold that all little children are alive in Christ, and also all they that are without the law. For the power of redemption cometh on all them that have no law; wherefore, he that is not condemned, or he that is under no condemnation, cannot repent; and unto such baptism availeth nothing—" ~Moroni 8:22
"Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him." ~2 Nephi 9:25
"Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil." ~Matthew 5:17
Listen: "Overnight" by Amy Grant (feat. Sarah Chapman)
No comments:
Post a Comment