Chapter 16: The Husband's Deal Breakers

"...they wandered off and were lost." ~1 Ne 8:23

So what do Deal Breakers do to this developing relationship between a Bridegroom and a Wise Virgin?  Say the going gets tough for whatever reason and the husband turns to pornography, other women, or to some other conflicting Marriage Counselor or influence to compensate instead of turning to his God.  He violates God’s rules not only for the marriage but also in general. God doesn’t want his sons (those who want to become Bridegrooms) turning to Harlots or other conflicting influences ever, whether married or unmarried.  Bottom line.  So when they do they separate themselves from him, the Holy Ghost, their wife, and any hope of obtaining a Soulmates Marriage.  They no longer hear that still small voice whispering the crucial guidance they need to identify the next steps in their life mission.  They may even lose sight of their mission all together.

“And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out.” ~D&C 42:23

"Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly." ~Deuteronomy 7:3-4

"Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost." ~2 Nephi 28:31 

Conflicting influences that have readily-seen, here-and-now, up-front assets are very easily trusted when men deviate from the Soulmates Marriage Journey.  They will often listen to these instead of their Marriage Counselor Team and their wife.  So keep in mind that the husband’s life mission was also the wife’s.  If he consistently deviates, a wife who is a Wise Virgin cannot remain allegiant to him.  If he has taken up a conflicting mission, she will not be able to follow him and help him.  Often the result is that both flounder, feeling like their whole lives are in limbo, without a purpose.

To resolve, a Wise Virgin may need to take the lead as she turns to the Lord.  He will temporarily take over the Bridegroom position in the relationship.  This may keep the family on track but will do very little to build Romantic Attraction with her spouse.  However, it will build the Friendship Attraction if she Voluntarily forgives and her husband Voluntarily repents.  If he does not take this mercy in vain and works to get back on board, the marriage will only be strengthened in time.  The wife’s temporary mercy to allow the Savior to stand in her husband’s role for their marriage does not eliminate the need for her spouse to aggressively get back to fulfilling his God-given Bridegroom role as soon as possible.  If he does not, Romantic Attraction will fail even if Friendship Attraction is sustainable.  In essence, through his actions he chooses not to pursue a Soulmates Marriage with this specific woman.  He communicates that he is content with a Friendship with his wife.  Remember that in a marriage, this is Type II False Attraction--Friendship Attraction without Romantic Attraction.  He may still desire sexual relations but if he has not done the work to attract his wife so that she wants them too, which takes humility on his part, his desire will only repulse her.

A Wise Virgin will not continue to support and cleave unto her husband if he continually deviates from God and his life mission despite all efforts to say to him as Navi does, “Hey Listen!”  If he will see her attempt to reclaim him in pride and envy, repentance is not going to happen.  As noted earlier, if the husband deviates continually, he’s breaking the rules continually.  He’s unrepentant.  If that happens, he won’t have the Holy Ghost with him or be able to receive the Lord’s guidance for himself.  The Deal Breakers rob him of those desires.  Because a Virgin is “powered” by the Holy Ghost in regards to her husband, she won’t be able to confirm him, support him, or feel attracted to him.  Even if she doesn’t know about his behind-the-scenes deviation, God does know about it and will cut the man off incrementally both directly and through her if she is striving to listen to him.  This is done to warn him.  These things are always done out of mercy.  They are heads-up signals communicating to us that we do not want to continue on the Deal Breaker pathway we’re headed because we’re not going to like where we end up.