Our present discussion in this blog-book is about the process to obtain the result of a Soulmates Marriage. When we
identify the rules of the Soulmates Marriage game, we’re identifying the
Values that both spouses need to embrace in order to obtain that result.
A
person’s Religion is the group of Values he believes (and may indeed
know) will end him with the best results as long as he consistently
strives to live by those Values. If one of the results he desires is a
Soulmates Marriage, then that Religion needs to be in agreement with the
Values of a Soulmates Marriage. Or we could say that the way he
interacts in this relationship with both his wife and his Marriage
Counselors is one of the main Values of his Religion. Thus the quality and
sustainability of his marriage will be the evidence of the quality and
sustainability of his Religion if he is indeed applying it. At least
that would be true if there wasn't the confounding variable of the
Agency of his wife.
This
is the reason it’s so important to marry someone whose Religion is as
close to our own as possible. But since two people who marry rarely have
exactly the same set of Values even if they have the same general
Religion, the most important Value they need to have in common is their willingness to
reconcile their respective Values with their Religion's over
time. We can talk the talk but it takes time to actually walk the walk. How closely we walk the walk of our Savior Jesus Christ is our desired Intensity level.
Given this understanding, can a Soulmates Marriage be obtained with anyone? No. There are limits. There is a group of people from which we could select the best possible hypothesis that would result in a Soulmates Marriage. That hypothesis is the man or woman whom we date, become engaged to, and then choose to marry. We want to start out with the best possible researched-guess. The questions needs to be: "Does this person have a very similar Religion to my own?" AND "Do we both have the same degree of willingness to reconcile our personal Values with it by learning more about it over time?"
The
most likely place to find someone to marry with the most similar
Religion to our own is in our own Church. Again, a Church is a group of
people who believe and know the same general Values to be true. The best
Church to belong to is the one whose Values are selectively progressive in their Intensity and Sustainability. This is one of the
primary reasons for organized religion. When we grow up going to
Church, we associate and develop relationships with those who believe in
the same Values that we do.
“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” ~1 Timothy 4:12
"And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padan-aram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother’s father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother’s brother." ~Genesis 28:1-2
"Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly." ~Deuteronomy 7:3-4
Personal Example
I grew up going to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I associated with various young men, some of whom I dated. Dating is using the Scientific Method. Getting to know different guys and spending time with them in incrementally exclusive relationships is equal to experimenting. I say incrementally exclusive because sometimes I could just dance with one young man, spend just a little time talking to him (short but exclusive), and know for a fact that he would not provide a satisfactory conclusion to my scientific inquiry. Other times I needed to spend much more time with a person to know for a fact that he was not the appropriate answer for me. So a certain young man who I dated would be equivalent to a specific Value for me that I believed was true but still needed to test out.
The
man I chose to marry was a member of my Church. He had a very similar
Religion to me as far as I could ascertain. In getting to know him I
concluded that we had very similar Values. He was a return missionary
and an active member of the Church. He had a sincere testimony of Jesus
Christ. All of these things were qualifications for the right candidate
for me. But there were tons of young men that fit that description.
Yet I did not feel the same about all of them. In truth, I could
see that some young men had a deeper conviction of Jesus Christ than
others. They came to church on their own, without any pressure from others. The little things they said and did in unguarded moments
demonstrated to me, however unconsciously, that they were striving to
live the same level of Values I was. Other young men were dishonest,
unkind, and lacked motivation to keep their commitments in unguarded
moments in varying degrees. This was an evaluation of their Intensity. I took this all in, listened to the Holy
Ghost and to my bishop who was one of my Counselors at the time, and
then made my choice.
The interesting thing is that my choice for myself was different from the one the Holy Ghost was testifying of. Before I started dating my husband I was already dating another young man who I really liked. We seemed to be so comfortable with each other and I loved his personality and the way he treated me. He too was a return missionary, an active member of the Church, and had a sincere testimony of Jesus Christ. But as I paid attention to the Holy Ghost, I knew my Heavenly Father's opinion on the matter. He preferred me to marry the other. So I chose him. I had no doubts that I made the right choice. I still don't.
That
said, I also know now that my hypothesis that I would obtain a
Soulmates Marriage with this young man has been proven false. That fact
combined with the degree of Sustainability and Intensity of the Holy
Ghost that I feel induces me to conclude that God had other intentions
for the relationship. He had a different result in mind for me and that
young man. My conclusion is that the relationship has become exactly
as it was intended to become, meaning it is a successful result, not a
failure. It may have failed to end in a Soulmates Marriage, but it did
not fail in fulfilling the purposes of God. This is
not normal. It is not the rule for all marriages. It is an
exception to the rule. It is one that cannot ever be desired during the Scientific Experiment because it would introduce too many confounding variables. It can only be a new Value to be tested out if the first hypothesis proves to be false "after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).
Given this understanding, can a Soulmates Marriage be obtained with anyone? No. There are limits. There is a group of people from which we could select the best possible hypothesis that would result in a Soulmates Marriage. That hypothesis is the man or woman whom we date, become engaged to, and then choose to marry. We want to start out with the best possible researched-guess. The questions needs to be: "Does this person have a very similar Religion to my own?" AND "Do we both have the same degree of willingness to reconcile our personal Values with it by learning more about it over time?"
“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” ~1 Timothy 4:12
"And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padan-aram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother’s father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother’s brother." ~Genesis 28:1-2
"Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly." ~Deuteronomy 7:3-4
I grew up going to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I associated with various young men, some of whom I dated. Dating is using the Scientific Method. Getting to know different guys and spending time with them in incrementally exclusive relationships is equal to experimenting. I say incrementally exclusive because sometimes I could just dance with one young man, spend just a little time talking to him (short but exclusive), and know for a fact that he would not provide a satisfactory conclusion to my scientific inquiry. Other times I needed to spend much more time with a person to know for a fact that he was not the appropriate answer for me. So a certain young man who I dated would be equivalent to a specific Value for me that I believed was true but still needed to test out.
The interesting thing is that my choice for myself was different from the one the Holy Ghost was testifying of. Before I started dating my husband I was already dating another young man who I really liked. We seemed to be so comfortable with each other and I loved his personality and the way he treated me. He too was a return missionary, an active member of the Church, and had a sincere testimony of Jesus Christ. But as I paid attention to the Holy Ghost, I knew my Heavenly Father's opinion on the matter. He preferred me to marry the other. So I chose him. I had no doubts that I made the right choice. I still don't.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
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