Chapter 21: Agency Meets Reality

We all need to improve our Rate of Progression in order to gain the ability to handle the increasing Adversity that is inherent to this life.  Because our mortal bodies are not perfectly balanced and because they deteriorate as we get older we have a lot of natural pain and sorrow to bear.  Because Adversity is inherent to raising kids, we are required to become more than we once were in order to remain balanced throughout that part of our journey.  Because of the growing societal trends to force Harlotry in our faces and conflicting ideas of what it means to be successful, Temptation and Adversity are increasing in intensity.  Remaining faithful to Paradoxical living in the face of these Adversities and Temptations causes us to grow spiritually.  Because of Adversity the higher heights on the mountain are always calling to us.  We can’t stay wallowing in this lower fallen state, failing again and again.  We must somehow rise above it.  The goal is not to overcome all Adversity.  It's not to put an end to anything that challenges us.  The goal is to reduce it to levels that are manageable through the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that we can use the challenges it presents to our advantage.  Thus both spouses will need to grow to some extent.  They will need to improve their Rate of Progression.  They will need to make upward progression on the mountain in order to strengthen their Forcefield to handle increasing Adversity and Temptation.

“Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer.” ~1 Nephi 10:6

We can still choose not to climb.  We all know this.  There have been countless in history that have decided not to.  When Adversity comes they turn bitter and “harden their hearts.”  They let the adversity destroy them.  They are angry because of it.  They fight against it as much as is possible in Survival of the Fittest living—Deal Breakers, Pride & Envy, Harlot Attraction, Prude Attraction Inhibitors.  They don’t turn to the Lord.  They refuse to be comforted.

“But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility. “ ~Alma 62:41

“...and his soul mourned and refused to be comforted.” ~Ether 15:3

So let’s say the husband uses his agency to speed up his Rate of Progression while the wife chooses things that slow hers.  Action is required.  Time is needed.  Hope for a change in heart.  Faith that with his Paradoxical Strategies, she will turn away from the Deal Breakers, the pseudo Attraction, and the conflicting missions and return to her spouse in Chastity, to faith in Christ, to Sustainable Attraction, and to their God-given mission.  Again, time is given.  A space to repent.

“...nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent...” ~Alma 12:24

That space to repent in a Soulmates Marriage isn’t our entire lives.  Why?  Because this life of Adversity and Temptation, being separated from God and his all encompassing love, creates the motivation to develop such a close relationship with another person.  And this life is the time we need to be so close to another person to get through the Adversity and Temptation that are naturally ours in being separated from God's presence.  Marriage itself is a huge part of God's Mercy for us.  It's meant to be developed into a heaven on earth.  It is the means by which God's Forcefield is wrapped around each of us and the means by which that Forcefield is expanded.

When we return home to our Heavenly Father, the Adversity and Temptations are no longer strong enough to present a challenge.  In that environment how would we establish a relationship in which both partners are required to rely on each other?  How would we actually demonstrate that this person is the one we want to be with forever?  We wouldn’t have the chance to say that in word and action again and again in order to seal our hearts together.  It takes time to develop a Soulmates Marriage.  It takes trials and opportunity costs.  When we choose to have faith in Christ and in our spouse despite every other choice that is presented to us, a Soulmates Marriage is sealed together.

“But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:” ~Luke 20:35

Note:  I believe that those who don't have a chance to be married, through no fault of their own as judged by God and no one else, will have a chance to develop such a relationship in the millennium just as those who are unable to have children or who have had children who have died, will be able to be parents during that time and raise their children who have passed away in infancy. 

"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: 'You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us." ~Joseph F. Smith

We see how this is an exciting and dangerous game.  Some may even resent the fact that I call it a game but I do so to make the point that there are rules we need to follow if we are going to play it.  No one complains that there are rules in sports.  The rules are what make the game fun.  They are what challenge us.  Things get pretty boring if there are no commitments to be kept, lines to stay within, and boundaries to the goals we need to make.  Thus in addition to the random sources of Adversity, the laws of God themselves present us with a great deal of challenge.

Personal Story
My boys have all played basketball.  They like to play church ball when that season comes around the first of the year.  They can’t get enough of it.  When the season ends they don’t lose all interest to play but a significant amount of it.  Never fails they want the season to keep on going.  They still play but the overall energy seems to decrease.  I think that’s because the game is more of a challenge when they are held to the rules by the referees.  Things are tracked and measured.  This is exciting stuff!  They love to test themselves against such a standard.  The same is true of the Lord’s rules for Soulmates Marriages.  He is a tough referee but he is fair in every way.  He has our best interest in mind as well as our spouse's.  Sometimes the refs at the basketball games make bad calls.  The Lord doesn’t.  His calls aren't over the top but neither is he a push-over.  So when we’re feeling censured by the Spirit, we know it’s a fair call and need to repent.  This is just another reason to develop our communication relationship with God.  We won’t find a better Referee!   There’s no reason to get bored with this life.  There is life after the honeymoon!  There are so many challenges to bring us the good kind of energy and excitement life and marriage are meant to be.  So many people sing about how they want peace but without God's rules to challenge us we’d all be bored to death.