Chapter 10: Attraction

What is Attraction?  And why should we put so much weight on the sustainable presence or absence of this in our Marriage? 

There are several definitions of Attraction out there.  So let’s put the real one, the one that is sustainable, out on the table and set aside all the false ones (ones that are not sustainable).  Attraction is when the Holy Spirit of Promise confirms that both husband and wife are indeed keeping the Soulmates Marriage rules (D&C 76:50-70; D&C 132:19).  It is God’s affirmation that we are on the right track on the Soulmates Journey.  It is his way of communicating to us that we are obeying the law to obtain what we stated we wanted to obtain when we first knelt across the altar, holding each others' hand.  He lives and is very much in charge of these blessings.  If we want them, we have to continually obey his rules.  Attraction seals husband and wife together.  It is the number one reward for our sacrifice.  It makes it so even the contemplation of separation, despite all the inherent hardships of the relationship, brings the greatest sorrow into our entire beings.  It makes it so our spouse and children are the most valuable people in our lives.  Our home with them is where we experience the most satisfying degree of Sustainable Joy.  It is this Holy Spirit of Promise (D&C 88:3), this Attraction, these bonds of love that make time glide so "softly and sweetly by" (Listen: "Love At Home").

Personal Example
There was a time I felt this way towards my husband.  I remember contemplating the possibility of him dying.  I talked to him about my fears.  I cried and cried.  My love for him was so intensely deep, I could not stand the thought of us being separated.  There had been many trials in our marriage before that time period and even many current trials.  We had two young boys.  Seriously rough times.  Refiner’s fire times.  But even these were not enough to kill that sealing of the Holy Spirit of Promise between us.  Attraction was alive and sustainable.

Real Attraction
Real Attraction is the effect of the dynamic balance of Friendship and Romance between husband and wife.  Even though we may make mistakes in our Friendship towards each other as we’re learning and growing, because of forgiveness and repentance through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, the wounds caused by those mistakes are healed and thus the Attraction remains sustainable.  As long as both individuals refrain from the Deal Breakers or repent when we've gotten sucked into that direction, Romantic Attraction will return to sustainability like a rubber band snapping back into place.  It's almost like Romance is obtained by keeping the laws of God.  Friendship is obtained through repentance and forgiveness when the laws of God are broken.

Listen:  "House of Love" by Amy Grant

If we do not stay away from the Deal Breakers, we’re breaking God's laws and so lose the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.  When we lose this over an extended period of time because we don't repent, we severely slow and impede our spiritual development on the Soulmates Journey.  One spouse continues to grow.  The other remains.  Thus the imbalance in the relationship occurs.  If continuous, Attraction fails.

The other kind of confirmation we may receive that may sustain a marriage to some degree is acceptance from family, friends, members of our church, our society, our government, etc.  This is our community.  Their feedback may or may not be in agreement with our God's—the head of our Marriage Counselor team.  It feels good to be accepted by our community.  That is a big piece of our present happiness.  But it will not be enough if we do not have God’s approval on our marriage as well, which can only come when we’re obeying the Soulmates rules with integrity.  And remember that his approval is what sustains the Attraction between husband and wife.  All the kudos, happy smiles, and pats on the back from our community do not have the power to sustain a Soulmates Marriage.  They may temporarily sustain other kinds of marriages but not a Soulmates Marriage.  This is why “no other success can compensate for failure in the home” (President David O. McKay).  Not even the success of a community-approved marriage.  A temple marriage is a Soulmates Marriage.  That doesn’t mean that two people who get married in the temple automatically have it.  They have a great start and an amazing insurance policy but if one or both spouses continuously break the rules, their Attraction will not be sustainable.  If they rely on the approval of others above the approval of God, they have a community Marriage.