Chapter 19: Visualizing Our Destination

It’s important to visualize our final destination for our marriage.  We have described a Soulmates Marriage as:

A covenant relationship between a man and a woman and God (Marriage Counselor and his team) in which the spouses progressively journey together to obtain the degree of Sustainable Attraction with which both are satisfied.  Sustainable Attraction is the continuous dynamically balanced combination of friendship and romance between husband and wife.

We have said that Romantic Attraction remains sustainable if both spouses choose to exchange Chastity thoughts, words, and actions with each other for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted by one person to another, while avoiding Deal Breakers.  Romantic and Friendship Attraction combined with God’s approval—the Holy Spirit of Promise--create the Forcefield that encircles and protects not only the husband and wife but also their children.  It renders temptation and adversity ineffective.  They cease having the power to destroy and instead only accelerate the purification and growth of both husband and wife and their relationship.

Avoiding Deal Breakers is avoiding being drawn in by Harlot Attraction or Prude Attraction Inhibitors.  Soulmates do not involve themselves with fornication, pornography, or anything that even approaches it.

Neither do they busy themselves with less important activities or mindsets that leave very little room for sustaining their Friendship and Romance.  They don’t try to ignore, shut down, or numb their inherent sexual desire for each other.  They humbly acknowledge their constant need for the other because this is the way God created them to be.  In doing this they both retain their desire to be sacredly and sexually intimate at a similar frequency and intensity.  It’s just a total “pocketful of sunshine” for both.

Above art by James Christensen “Poofy Guy on a Short Leash"

Listen:  "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingham
 

In a Soulmates Marriage both spouses choose to exercise their faith in their Marriage Counselor when the going gets tough.  When the winds and storms of temptation or adversity assail them, they choose to remain steadfast in their commitment to God and to each other. 

Listen:  "How Firm a Foundation" by Paul Cardall

If they make mistakes by yielding to Deal Breakers, they do not keep making the same ones over and over but repent of them as quickly and as effectively as possible.  This often requires the help of other members of the Marriage Counselor Team, given the virulence of the “infection.” Soulmates choose to be honest with each other, to forgive their spouse, and to endure periods of sacrifice when the other spouse is unable to keep his/her commitment in order for true repentance to occur.

Listen to this song about repenting:  "Go Back" by Sweethaven

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." ~Luke 8:17

They avoid evaluating each other and their Marriage Counselor Team with pride or envy.  They refuse to harbor competitive thoughts against them.  Instead they choose to develop and use characteristics of their Marriage Counselor such as humility, gratitude, confidence, and empathy.  In this way they become more like Christ.  They are powerful sources of light and love in their own circle of influence.

See blog post, "It All Starts with Humility"

Both spouses stand steadfast in their God-given mission—the one that each feels intensely passionate about to the core.  They are dedicated to making whatever sacrifice God requires of them to fulfill this mission.  They don’t allow themselves to get side-tracked with other missions that the World may value but that only serve as distractions to them.  Because both do this they are a powerful force in bringing to fruition much good in the lives of their own children and others within their circle of influence.  In being such, they are members of the Marriage Counselor team for them.

“And all nations shall call you blessed, for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of Hosts.” ~3 Nephi 24:12

That is a Soulmates Marriage.  Now the questions are:  Do you want it?  Does your spouse want it?  Are you both willing to keep the rules to obtain it?