Chapter 28: Love Languages

Most people have heard of the metaphor Love Languages.  There is an entire program based on this metaphor called “The 5 Love Languages.” The author, Dr. Gary Chapman, has identified 5 different ways people feel loved.  He explains that each of us has a different “language.”  When we know our spouse’s language and then “speak” it we are better able to communicate how much we love him and vice versa.  The 5 different languages Dr. Gary Chapman has identified are:

Language Metaphor
I like the use of the language metaphor because it illuminates the truth that there are specific things we can do or say that most effectively express our love to our spouse.  In college I studied the Spanish language.  Part of that study included the different cultures and traditions of Hispanohablantes (Spanish-speaking people).  I developed a significant love for them.  When I went into their country to study abroad, I met them in their own language.  Even though I was a beginner, I still made the sacrifice to be the one to look like an idiot.  It was apparent I didn’t speak very well but I took the risk anyway.  My goal was to learn to speak better and learn it from each one of them as they demonstrated the talent.  Occasionally I ran into a person who treated me with pride because I couldn’t speak his language as well as he could, which hindered him from accurately seeing the level of my intelligence.  And that's the risk--looking and feeling like a fool with people who will roll their eyes at us.  But for the most part, the people responded with kindness and gratitude.  They recognized that my effort to speak in their language instead of expecting them to speak in mine (in their own country) was an act of humility and respect for them.

On another occasion I traveled to Israel.  Our tour guide told us that when we entered some of the more sacred sites, we should be dressed appropriately—in pants or dresses with lengths past our knees and shirts with longer sleeves—no tank tops or shorts.  The way we dress is another part of our language.  It communicates respect and love to each other and to God.  Because I already had adopted modest dress as my personal code, I had no problem complying with these standards.  But others in our group did.  When we went to the Wailing Wall at Temple Mount in Jerusalem, some members of our group did not speak the people’s language via their dress.  They were wearing short shorts and tank tops.  At the gates they were stopped.  If they wanted entrance they needed to purchase clothing to cover themselves.  They chose to comply with the rules in order to receive the privilege of entering. We communicate things through our dress, actions, words, and thoughts.  When we enter another’s “country” and speak their language via these processes we demonstrate our love and respect for them in humility.

What is Language?
Language is “the method of human communication, either spoken or written, consisting of the use of words in a structured and conventional way” (Apple Dictionary).  There are many different languages in the world.  Each language has specific words that are used to communicate meaning that exists independent of that language (D&C 93:30).  For example, a car exists independent of the word car.  In English, we call it a car or an automobile.  In Spanish, we call it un coche or un automóvil.  And there are tons of other languages that have their own name for it.  If we didn’t have a name, we could describe it using other words.  If you have ever played the games Taboo or Mad Chatter, that is exactly what we are challenged to do.  We are given a word and need to describe this word to someone else without actually using the word.  So we use all kinds of descriptors, verbs, and inside stories instead (#Isaiah).  Having a name for something that independently exists that we all know and can agree upon shortens the amount of words we need to use to communicate.  Accepting, remembering, and using that name enables us to communicate more efficiently.  But it's important to remember that meaning is what we are all seeing, feeling, and sensing.  Language is how we are attempting to describe it.