Chapter 50: Our Spouse's Imbalance

The other reason we may not be receiving enough Peace is because our spouse is not giving it to us.  He may be experiencing a lot of his own Outside Adversity over which he has little control.  In that case, we can choose to unite our faith with his and be that source of support he needs to get through it.  His Adversity is our own and we are promised the same blessings of an increase in Joy, Charity, Attraction, and Forcefield when both spouses rely on each other and turn to the Atonement of Jesus Christ for aide.

Friendships, whether they are with our spouse or with another friend are built on similar principles.  As a good friend, we support our friends when they are going through tough times.  One exemplary friendship depicted in the "Lord of the Rings" by J.R. Tolkien is between Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins.  Frodo has volunteered to carry the Ring of Power to Mordor, a major sacrifice.  It is a heavy burden and no one else can take it and carry it for him.  He has to do it.  So there's this epic line that Sam says when he sees Frodo may not make it up the mountain to Mordor: "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."  I see this as something we can do for our spouse when he is struggling to carry all of his responsibilities.  Much of the time we can't help him by doing his responsibilities for him, but we can be there for him, love him, and comfort him.  We can be that safe place where he comes to recharge and share all of his worries and concerns.  

In the unique relationship between a man and a woman in marriage, God has granted us the privilege of sexual relations, which when practiced within the law have the powerful capacity to comfort so deeply and completely.     

If our spouse is experiencing Self-inflicted Adversity the resolution process is for him to rebalance.  He needs to stop allowing conflicting sources to influence him.  He needs to return to his God-given mission.  That may be easy for us to see but the key is to patiently work with him so he can see it for himself.  That includes a lot of empathy and prayer on his behalf.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the Values of the world.  It’s completely natural to want to achieve success among our peers, co-workers, and in our society.  It’s hard to discern when our society’s Values are deviating from God’s.  Our spouse has agency and we can’t intervene with force, anger, or manipulation to get him to rebalance.  That is not God’s way and will cause us to deviate from the balance if we try.  But we can wait.  We can persuade, plead, pray for, and be consistent in our communication and Charity for our spouse while he strives to rebalance.

Another reason he may not be able to give us the Peace we need is that he’s engaged in Deal Breakers.  This causes him to lose his ability to dance in balance with us.  In fact, he’s off dancing with someone else.  He’s getting his Peace and Energy needs met through alternative sources.  When he continuously does this, he stagnates himself in his relationship with God.  Growth in Charity does not occur.  His sacrifices in the marriage start to feel like grudge sacrifices to him.  He becomes very upset with having to keep the commitments he has made.  Lack of Charity reduces the intensity of his Attraction, both our ability to feel attracted to him and his ability to feel attracted to us.  This may affect the quantity of Peace he can give us but more importantly it affects the quality of it.  The Peace that he does offers us is dull, lacking the life-giving properties of Christ’s Peace.

"And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard did taste of the fruit, every sort according to its number. And the Lord of the vineyard said: Behold, this long time have we nourished this tree, and I have laid up unto myself against the season much fruit. But behold, this time it hath brought forth much fruit, and there is none of it which is good. And behold, there are all kinds of bad fruit; and it profiteth me nothing, notwithstanding all our labor; and now it grieveth me that I should lose this tree." ~Jacob 5:31-32

"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men." ~Matthew 5:13

So to wrap up the last 6 chapters, we see that the factors that cause us to dance in Fear are:

1. Outside Adversity
2. Self-inflicted Adversity
3. Our Spouse’s Imbalance

The resolution process is to turn to the Atonement of Jesus Christ through:

1. Our spouse
2. Family and other members of a Zion Community
3. Our hearts—our relationship with God

We discern the difference between Real and Self-inflicted Adversity by:

1. Developing our communication with God (reading our heart)
2. Acknowledging and allowing the fact that in our relationship with our spouse, family, and friends in our Zion Community (and outside of it) there is going to be temporary imbalance and thus Adversity and pain
3. Knowing that our sacrifice level is only as strong as the person we depend upon for Peace.
4. Knowing how much pain our hearts can Voluntarily endure for another person before it turns into a Grudge Sacrifice
5. Knowing that only Charity Sacrifices build love in marriages

If we want to dance, we’re going to have to dance with the Atonement of Jesus Christ through Adversity.

Listen:  “Oh How the Years Go By” by Amy Grant