Chapter 14: The Bridegroom

The male counterpart of a Soulmates Marriage is like the Bridegroom spoken of in the scriptures.  This is the end goal for the husband.  It’s the highest height.  Not all husbands will want to become a Bridegroom because the way is too narrow.  The rules are too strict.  But thanks to our Savior, there are various levels of Bridegrooms.  Yet there are limits even for these wider levels.  Mercy extends only so far.  Past that point relationships will not remain sustainable. 

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.  And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.  They that were foolish took their lamps [Natural Beginning Attraction], and took no oil with them [Sustainable Attraction]:

But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.  While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.  And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.

And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.  Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.  But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.  Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh. ~Matthew 25:1-13

This parable is talking about our Savior and his second coming.  He is often likened to the Bridegroom and all of his followers are likened to the ten virgins.  But let's take a closer look at the symbol of the Bridegroom and how it can apply to men who want a Soulmates Marriage.

Listen:  “Just Once” by James Ingram

The Bridegroom has a specific God-given mission to accomplish in this life.  He is steadfast in seeking to identify the incremental steps of this mission throughout his entire life.  He resists being side-tracked by conflicting influences.  This is difficult because he cannot see God with his physical eyes or hear him with his physical ears (Mark 4:23).  If he doesn’t make time to pray and listen, he may miss the guidance (BrotherOfJared or Laman&Lemuel).  The voices of the world are so loud and often stand as conflicting influences instead of members of our Soulmates Marriage Counselor Team.  He has to be out in the work force to make a living for his family where there are so many distractions.  But the Bridegroom’s goal is to become what God has intended him to become despite all of the world’s noise.

Listen:  "Diamond" by Brandon Heath

“I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.” ~John 5:30

“Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.” ~John 4:34

“I receive not honour from men.” ~John 5:41

Let me just note here that a Bridegroom and his wife spending down time together is not enough to develop a Soulmates Marriage.  They need to work on their God-given mission together.  They need to see everything they do as a means to fulfill it.  They cannot think that they are living for vacations and time outs.  The mission needs to be the reason for all that they do. Vacations and time outs are merciful spaces in time to catch our breath and rest but they are not meant to be the goal.  If we set our hearts on them the relationship will dwindle.  Those things are not sustainable.  This life is the time to prepare to meet God (Alma 34:32).  We are on a journey and yes there needs to be joy in it but too much rest and relaxation away from our life mission does not produce joy.  It is too much peace and not enough energy.  That is the most boring thing in this entire universe.  

"For the Son of man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch. Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning: Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping.  And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch." ~Mark 13:34-37 

A Bridegroom also accepts and honors a kind of sub-Lord position under God towards his wife and children.  

"Then began he to speak to the people this parable; A certain man planted a vineyard, and let it forth to husbandmen, and went into a far country for a long time." ~Luke 20:9

In speaking of this we all need to remember what a Lord is as Christ defines and demonstrates him.  Note the previous scriptures where he describes the source of his motivation for starters.  He's one who serves first and waits for his own immediate needs to be fulfilled.  He’s not someone like King Noah or any of the wicked monarchs in history.  A Bridegroom is someone like Adam, Noah (the good one), Moses, Nephi, King Benjamin, Alma, Captain Moroni, Joseph Smith, and Jesus Christ, himself.  He’s a righteous leader and is so because he studies those righteous leaders of the past, especially Jesus Christ, to evaluate and then implement how they obtain their desires and resolve their conflicts.  

Standing in this position towards his wife and children, a Bridegroom helps them resolve their conflicts and obtain their desires as if he were the Lord’s emissary.  Indeed he is the Lord’s emissary for them.  He is a type and a shadow of him (Mosiah 3:15; D&C 1:38).  In essence he helps his family develop the general Soulmates Attributes of faith and repentance.  He fulfills his part in strengthening the family Forcefield.  That means he strives to consistently stay in a position where he can hear the Lord’s counsel in regards to his wife and children, refraining from going to Deal Breakers or conflicting influences.  So if any of them have issues, he is able to help resolve them. Because he consistently does this, his wife will completely and utterly fall in love with him over and over again as he becomes her knight in shining armor, the one that rescues her from her dragons and cold towers.  A Bridegroom doesn't want to leave this job to the Lord alone.  He doesn't want to give his wife to the Lord and ask him to fix her.  He wants to be apart of that journey.  He wants the Lord to teach him what he needs to know to help his wife because it is through this process that her heart will become sealed to him for time and all eternity.

"God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the forests unfelled and the cities unbuilt. God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys and glories of creation." ~President Thomas S. Monson, "In Quest of the Abundant Life," March 1988 Ensign

Listen:  "Waterloo" by Abba

"Lead Kindly Light" by Simon Dewy

To become a Bridegroom is the Soulmate Journey for the husband.  It is a work in progress.  Thanks to our Marriage Counselor, a man not only has a guide but a Savior and Redeemer who, given time and space, will make of him something he could not make of himself alone (Isaiah 61:10).

Listen:  “He Showed Me How” by David Archuletta

See Blog posts:  “Behold the Man” & “Jesus Christ”

When a man strives to become a Bridegroom, he won’t be perfect in the beginning but with his consistent steadfastness in the Lord and repentance for choices that deviate from him, he will powerfully attract his wife to him.  She will be attracted to him for time and all eternity from her very core.  While the Holy Spirit of Promise is grace, these Bridegroom actions are the works. “...for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Nephi 25:23).  Grace and works intertwine and weave together to create Sustainable Attraction.