Chapter 7: Meet in the Middle

Rule #3 Both Spouses Choose God to be the Head of their Marriage Counselor Team
I found that a major part of the Soulmates Journey was for me to become unified with my spouse in our choice of a Marriage Counselor as discussed in Chapter 3.  I came to understand that everyone has to believe in someone.  That is not a choice we can forego.  If we do forego it we’ll end up trusting anyone or everyone and their dog.  And that is what I was doing for a long time.  I had said that I believed in God and I was perhaps going through many of the motions but I was not looking unto him in every thought, doubting not, and fearing not (D&C 6:36).  

Together husband and wife decide on who is best to guide us.  With this choice we meet in the middle.  It’s not that we take turns making up the rules because that would be like choosing multiple conflicting Marriage Counselors; what defines a Marriage Counselor is the rules he gives for the Soulmates Marriage Game.  Thus the middle is choosing one Marriage Counselor and his rules.  Both of us sacrifice the way we have always done things if it conflicts with His rules.  We sacrifice ideas and beliefs that may have indeed been good at one time, for ideas and beliefs that are better and ultimately best for our marriage.  If one spouse is already in alignment with this, and the other spouse isn’t, the requirement is for the one who is out of alignment to make the changes, bend, and get in alignment.  We don’t keep score about who is required to change more or less.  It’s not about who was originally more right than the other.  It’s an act of humility to accept all that we personally need to do to align ourselves with our Marriage Counselor’s rules.  If both spouses do not have this attitude and commitment, serious conflict will arise.

Listen:  "Meet In The Middle" by Diamond Rio

However, the usual situation is that both spouses need to change in some way.  Even if one spouse seems to be more obviously out of alignment, this doesn’t mean the other isn’t also in more covert ways.  None of us is perfect.  Just because one spouse recognizes her need to repent doesn’t mean that will resolve all conflict.  The other spouse should also be actively seeking for ways he needs to repent.  Repentance has such a bad wrap.  No one wants to admit they’ve got things about them that aren’t right.  But because the atonement of Jesus Christ offers us the power to change, the whole process of repentance, while it is hard, is such an amazing experience!  There’s nothing like it!  It’s the best adventure ever!  And there’s no reason for one spouse to hog it all to herself.  Seriously, if you’re bored with your life and want adventure and excitement, rather than hike Mt. Everest, give repentance a try.  It’s a close rival.

Both spouses need to develop a communication relationship with the head of our Soulmates Marriage Counselor Team.  As noted before, this has to be God if we want to obtain a Soulmates Marriage.  

We do this through asking God in prayer to help us obtain a Soulmates Marriage. We commit that we are willing to keep the rules, as far as we know them. We enter into a covenant relationship with him that he will help us obtain this relationship if we continue to obey these rules and seek to learn more. We study the scriptures and prophetic teachings while listening to the Holy Ghost, and actively writing down, remembering, and applying the guidance we receive.  This is Personal Revelation and through it we obtain incrementally advanced Soulmate skills (see The Voice Inside My Head).

We must try to stay balanced with our spouse in this growth process. We shouldn’t take any pride in running out ahead of him, leaving him in the dust.  That’s going to create a major imbalance between us, which kills attraction.  It’s okay to be slightly off and I believe that’s normal—sometimes the husband is ahead and sometimes the wife is ahead.  But serious conflict is the result when one gets way ahead and there’s no catching up or even a will to catch up going on by the other. 

So we invite him to study the scriptures and prophetic teachings with us to find out more of the Soulmates Marriage rules.  We invite him to go to the temple with us.  We invite him to pray with us.  We listen to the personal revelation he’s receiving.  But if he won’t come, know that we have to keep going, even while being patient with him, if we want a Soulmates Marriage.  In this case we’re not trying to outrun him.  We’re trying to gain the ability to maintain the sacrifices we are called to bear.  We're trying to develop a sufficient enough Forcefield to protect us and our family against overwhelming adversity and temptation.  Even if our spouse will not choose to consistently repent and exercise faith in God, it is most beneficial that we do.  This is the only conflicting relationship we’re allowed to have with our spouse because the end results will be best for all involved.

Part of the rules for maintaining a Soulmates Marriage is to be allegiant to our Head Marriage Counselor and his team even when the going gets tough.  We don’t go to another Marriage Counselor just because we don’t like what this one requires of us.  We can change the specific team members if their specific counsel conflicts with our Head as the Holy Ghost indicates, but we should always remain allegiant to our God even at the expense of losing our own life (JST Matt 16:27).  If we don’t keep this rule, we’ll only be able to go so far on our journey and I guarantee it won't be far enough.

"So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple." ~Luke 14:33