Chapter 31: Self-Actualization

Self-Actualization is a term Psychologists have used to describe the measure of our creation and the need we all have for our own personal Love Language to be spoken.  We are all seeing the same meaning.  Everyone is just using a different word out of their personal language.  Thus Self-Actualization is the name Psychologists use to describe this general truth.  The fact that so many people are independently seeing the same thing is evidence that the concept is true.  It is like we're all involved in a blind experiment and coming up with very similar evaluations of the things we can't see, hear, touch, or taste with our physical senses.  Yet we can sense them with our spiritual senses.

Different Perspectives
Everyone has an opinion of what will result in Self-Actualization.  What does it mean to us personally to be “the best we can be?”  That's good because this is where our agency comes in.  We need to make that decision for ourselves.  We need to engage in Scientific Experiments to find the truth of it out.  Some people think that we reach self-actualization when we become rich with money, property, vacations, etc.  Some people think that we reach it when we become rich with many friends and family who all love us.  Some people think it’s all about becoming free from any Values at all.  This means we need to choose whose opinion matters the most to us.  What do we believe Self-Actualization is?   When do we reach it?  This is usually identified in our chosen Religion and the Values that are prescribed by it.  Remember that we have defined Religion as the group of people that have influenced us throughout our lives, whose Values we have adopted as our own.  Our Religion, regardless of whether we say we believe in God or not, is our own paradigm or framework of what Values we think will end in Self-Actualization.  Thus it's the pinnacle of whatever mountain we choose to climb.  Most of us are on a pathway to obtain this.  The problem is that if the Values our chosen Religion gives are not really ending us in Self-Actualization, we're going to get there and remain unfulfilled.  This is like entering the wrong code so we cannot unlock the gate.  It is like combining the wrong substrates with an enzyme that was not designed to accommodate them.  It is like using the word toilet to try and communicate the meaning of car to someone else.  It just doesn't work.

My choice is to know what God’s opinion of Self-Actualization is. He created me. I know if I learn what he created me to be and develop the ability to actually do it, I will experience the greatest degree of happiness.  So that means the man I need to be married to needs to speak this Love Language to me.  He needs to be the key to the heart God created in me and vice versa.  What other people think we are and should become may be very different from what we really are—what God has intended us to become.

And remember, obtaining Self-Actualization is not only about needing our Love Language to be spoken to us, but it is also about the need we have to speak it ourselves.  When we speak it, it is about using our skills, abilities, and talents to bless our specific spouse, children, family members, friends, and others whom we are assigned or prompted to assist along their journey.  Through the voluntary reciprocal sharing of talents, we obtain Sustainable Joy and Attraction.  This creates that Forcefield, that Love at Home, that Pocketful of Sunshine that protects us all from overwhelming Adversity and Temptation.  The voluntary reciprocal sharing of talents is just another way to describe the communication relationship that is possible when both spouses learn and use each other's Love Language.  It is another way to describe Chastity--Reciprocity Attraction thoughts, words, and actions.

It's important to note here, that it would be very helpful for two people who are married to really enjoy speaking each other's language.  That means that if the sacrifice of speaking our spouse's love language is only a total Joy for us and vice versa, this relationship and the Attraction in it are Sustainable.