Chapter 39: Intensity of Attraction

God has the most intense Attraction.  Even though he resides at a distance from us, we can still feel his influence.  This is like the sun.  The sun is about 93 million miles from the earth but we can still feel its energy and warmth.  Each of us also has a level of light, which is our power to Attract and to be Attracted by another.  Our levels of Attraction individually vary in intensity.  Some people are like the sun.  Others are like a small campfire that we need to huddle in close to feel.  Still others are like a match that burns for a few seconds and then goes out.  We’re Romantically attracted to people who have a similar intensity of Attraction to our own.

"Oooh you're like the sun
Chasing all the rain away
When you come around
You bring brighter days" ~Always by Atlantic Starr

The Values of our Chosen Religion and our Love Language Proficiency determine the intensity of our Attraction.  That is the same thing as saying our level of Charity determines the intensity of our Attraction.  But even if we have an intense level of Attraction, we will not have Sustainable Attraction with our spouse unless he also has a very similar intensity of Attraction.

We have used the following terms in the last several chapters to describe the same meaning:

Attraction to God
Level of Charity
Level of Values
Love Language Proficiency
Intensity of Attraction 
Level on the Mountain
Rate of Progression
 
Our Attraction to God is represented by the line-slope from the base of the triangle to the tip.  Our Attraction to our spouse is represented by the line from our side of the triangle to our spouse's side.  Even though the line at the base of the triangle is the longest, if both spouses reside there, Attraction will be Sustainable between them.

If the line between spouses is diagonal and the slope becomes too steep, Attraction fails.  This means that as our relationship with God changes, our relationship with our spouse will change for better or for worse.  

Throughout our lives on this earth we have a choice whether to increase or decrease our intensity of Attraction by drawing closer to God through the Atonement of Jesus Christ or by separating from him through not using this gift.  In a marriage, if both spouses draw closer to God at a similar rate, the Attraction between them will grow and be Sustainable.  But if one spouse draws closer while the other separates, the Attraction between them will wane.  Without this Attraction marriage becomes more like bondage than bonds of love.

The name of the game is to progress together.  It is for husband and wife to develop their relationship with God together.  They choose the same level of Values.  They sacrifice Survival of the Fittest Strategies, the Values of World, and lower level Values to remain fully committed to God’s Values as they both understand them.  They study them together to know what they are.  At first they may see them as general rules but over time, they see how they can apply to more specific choices.  They challenge themselves to increase their sacrifice level.  If one or the other gets consistently bored with life or with the marriage, this should be caught early and discussed during Marriage Meetings.  The resolution process is to first make sure neither is engaged in any Deal Breakers.  If not, the next step is to climb higher together.  It is to ask God to reveal the higher rules of the game by increments so that the challenge increases and boredom is exchanged for exhilaration and adventure.

Listen:  "Hymn For The Missing" by Red

Personal Story
There was a time a number of years ago when I was bored with life.  I was always asking my husband to tell me something interesting or to think of something interesting that we could do but he was always hard-pressed to do so.  And who could blame him?  Dates, vacations, and all kinds of other activities that solve this problem for most people did not solve it for me.  Deep inside me was a feeling of depression and sorrow as if I was mourning something or someone.  I had no idea where it was coming from.  This lasted several years. 

The end of that time period was the beginning of what felt like a total increase in my Rate of Progression and thus an increase in my complete Joy for life.  It was when I came to know God, or more specifically Jesus Christ, better than I ever had before to such a degree that I was literally astonished.  It is hard to astonish me.  I had no idea that choice was even among my choices.  Who knew?  Who knew the kind of adventure it is to come to know who he is?  I guess the prophets know and they have been trying to tell us all for a few thousand years but I think we don’t really get it until it actually happens to us.  I found out that the person I was mourning for was my Savior.  The boredom, the depression, the sorrow was indicating that I needed to draw closer to him in order to feel the level of Joy that comes from both receiving his Charity and developing my own.  Nothing, I repeat nothing, is so beautiful and so sweet and so full of energy and life as he is!

“Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.” 3 Nephi 9:14

“And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things.  And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most joyous to the soul.” ~1 Nephi 11:22-23

“And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.” ~Alma 32:42-43

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” ~1 Corinthians 2:9

Listen:  “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Connor