Chapter 18: The Wife's Deal Breakers

What do Deal Breakers do to a potential Wise Virgin who isn’t so wise and not so much of a virgin?  If she allows herself to be persuaded that her and her husband’s mission is not as valuable as some other mission the world is hyping, she may go join that “team.” (Isaiah 4:1).  She will devote herself to some other man and his mission or maybe even to multiple people and their missions.  A woman who yields to Deal Breakers allows herself to be governed by every wind of Attraction (Ephesians 4:14), whether it be Harlot Attraction or Prude Attraction Inhibitors, instead of Sustainable Attraction.  She separates herself not only from her husband but from God.  She is unable to echo the direction of the Holy Ghost for her family.  Unless her husband develops his ability to connect more directly with God, he may lose his focus on his God-given mission.  A wife's companionship was designed to be a tender mercy that increases a man's ability to stay steadfast.  Her support helps him know that his mission is valuable even when he falters and has to wade through temporary failures.  

Watch this movie! The woman William Wilberforce ends up marrying is an example of a Wise Virgin (minus the cleavage).  Amazing Grace

If a man remains a Bridegroom, resisting the temptation to turn to Deal Breakers, he prays and researches strategies with his Marriage Counselor to use to persuade his wife to return to him and their God-given mission.  If she will not, after being given plenty of time, he will be left alone without the tender mercies that God intended marriage to be for him (Matthew 8:20).  He will need another wife.

“...neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” ~ 1 Corinthians 11:11

The World is that portion of our society with values that conflict with God's.  It is loudly courting women to come away from their husbands and families to join the Harlots and Prudes.  It has set up a different standard from God's standard--a different game and different rules to play by.  In order to be of value in the World, a woman must set her heart on things such as showing her body and sexuality off, becoming rich, wearing designer clothes, owning and maintaining a showroom home, becoming a fast-paced business woman or a working mother--having both a career and a home of children to raise.  It's not that having to go out of the home to work in certain situations is a Deal Breaker.  It's not.  In fact many times, it is the personal counsel of God to do so.  It does us no good to judge whether or not a woman is following God's counsel in respect to her life.  We just need to focus on whether we are.  What makes being a fast-paced career mom a problem is when we set our value by such a standard.  We think staying home with our kids is a cop out and a less valuable thing to do.  In order to achieve status in our community and even to feel valuable within ourselves, we think we need to be out working and receiving the praises of the world.  After all, our quiet sacrifice at home goes relatively unseen.  It's a thankless job and it requires years of changing diapers, sweeping floors, doing the dishes, and working with little ones who aren't always the most fulfilling society.  It's one of those situations where we are losing our life but in the end we will find it.

Read:  "To the Mothers is Zion" by President Ezra T. Benson, February 22, 1987 

The Harlot mentality is about being attractive in general.  We want to see that many men, if not all, are attracted to us.  And we also want women to be jealous of us.  In fact, the goal is to become the most attractive woman out of all women.  How screwed up is that?  This is seen in so many movies, songs, and books.  We believe this is what it means to be valuable.  But this is a major Deal Breaker.  We don't even have to be a Harlot in deed.  If we have this mentality and don't strive to delete it, even if we never act upon it, we will create a total loss of Attraction in our marriage. 

I was raised with this mentality.  So for a while, without even understanding it, I did think I needed to be attractive to the general population of males in order to be of any worth.  I heard messages like, "Oh you look so pretty.  You'll break every boy's heart at the dance tonight."  Or listen to the lyrics of this song that was popular when I was a senior in high school.

"I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance

"I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight"

~"Lady In Red" by Chris De Burgh

And this is just one example.  The message is deeply interwoven into the fabric of our society through what we say, what we read, what we watch, what we listen to, and how we are treated.  This is Harlot mentality.  If we are not actively taught differently, we will unconsciously seek after obtaining our value in this way.  This is a false game with false rules. 

The truth of the matter is this:  There is no reason for us to attract everyone and his dog.  That is not an accurate measure of our value.  If this is happening, it's a serious conflict for a woman because she must choose one man to develop a Soulmates Marriage with.  How the heck is she going to make a choice out of all those possibilities?  Every woman is her own kind of beautiful and is meant to uniquely attract and compliment a certain type of man.  There may be more than one man who fits into that category.  There usually are.  Therefore, if she will develop her relationship with God first to find out who she is, what she was designed to be, and then actually work to become that person, she will attract the type of man with whom she will find Sustainable Attraction and be able to make a solid decision between the available options.  If not, she will never be able to experience Attraction at the level she is satisfied.

"Moreover, the Lord saith: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched-forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet—Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will discover their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments, and cauls, and round tires like the moon; The chains and the bracelets, and the mufflers; The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the ear-rings; The rings, and nose jewels; The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping-pins; The glasses, and the fine linen, and hoods, and the veils." ~2 Nephi 13:16-26