Rule #2 Choosing a Specific Person to be my Soulmate
When I chose to enter into a covenant relationship with another person and
God, I sacrificed all other options. I made a solemn statement. I took this choice very seriously and listened to God during the
entire selection process. I did preliminary research to come up with a solid hypothesis. In testing this out,
the Spirit bore witness that it was indeed
the person with whom God would have me pursue this relationship.
Marrying that person took me on a specific journey--a more serious and risky trial
of my hypothesis. It eliminated other
journeys that I could have possibly taken. That was important to do
because I couldn't test out two or more conflicting hypotheses at the
same time (#Deal Breakers). I had to believe with all my heart that I would obtain a Soulmates Marriage with this specific person. The
journey has not been what I expected. There have been trials and adversity
that are different than what would have been mine if I had chosen a
different person to marry. But if I indeed gave plenty of time to researching and praying and received
confirmation that my choice of spouse was in alignment with God’s will
for me, then I can let go of any bitter “This isn’t fair!” and “The
grass is greener on the other side” thoughts that I may be
entertaining even though the relationship has ended in divorce.
"Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;" ~D&C 9:7-9
The
key for me was not to entertain thoughts that it was at all possible that my marriage could end in a
divorce during the testing period. In fact I wasn't even conscious that it was just a test. I was thinking, "This is it.
This is the one I'm spending eternity with." I believed that
with all my heart and did everything within my power to work
through the adversity instead of just giving up at the first sign of
trouble--"This one's a dud. Gotta exchange it."
It's like a blind experiment in which information about the test is
withheld in order to eliminate bias. In hindsight I see that God was watching me and my husband. He knew what was going on inside and out.
Dearest children, God is near you,
Watching o'er you day and night,
And delights to own and bless you,
If you strive to do what's right.
He will bless you, He will bless you,
If you put your trust in him.
Dearest children, holy angels
Watch your actions night and day,
And they keep a faithful record
Of the good and bad you say.
Cherish virtue! Cherish virtue!
God will bless the pure in heart
~"Dearest Children, God Is Near You" Hymn 96, text by Charles L. Walker (Listen)
"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." ~Luke 8:17
"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." ~Alma 32:27-28
Through the Spirit and the application of scripture, I was taught that I had to create the most unbiased and accurate testing conditions so that we could truly analyze whether or not my hypothesis concerning the specific person I had chosen to marry was true, or would at some point in the future return to being true through my own efforts and the Lord's given my spouse's agency.
"Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye." ~Luke 6:42
The Lord had to work with me to eliminate confounding variables. My own imbalanced thoughts, words, and actions stood as the confounding variables in my experiment. I had to repent of my Deal Breakers--not only in my marriage but also in my relationship with God and others. To make sure the experiment was accurate, I chose to actively engage in Chastity thoughts,
words, and actions with my spouse and God. We also spent time
together obtaining mutual goals and resolving
mutual conflicts. If Sustainable Attraction and a strong Forcefield were the outcome, my specific hypothesis would have been confirmed. But if this wasn't the outcome, my hypothesis would have been proven false. A scary conclusion. And remember, the hypothesis was: It is possible that this specific marriage can become a Soulmates Marriage. I took many years to put this experiment to the test once I started. The Lord had to be very patient with me. Even after I knew the conclusion it took me three more years to realize that I had to get a divorce. I was hoping I could die first.
Listen to this song: "Nothing Compares 2U" by Sinéad O Connor. I sing this with all of my heart when the experiment is working. When it isn't, I can't connect with it.
It’s important to visualize our final destination for our marriage. We have described a Soulmates Marriage as:
A covenant relationship between a man and a woman and God (Marriage Counselor and his team) in which the spouses progressively journey together to obtain the degree of Sustainable Attraction with which both are satisfied. Sustainable Attraction is the continuous dynamically balanced combination of friendship and romance between husband and wife.
We have said that Romantic Attraction remains sustainable if both spouses choose to exchange Chastity thoughts, words, and actions with each other for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted by one person to another, while avoiding Deal Breakers. Romantic and Friendship Attraction combined with God’s approval—the Holy Spirit of Promise--create the Forcefield that encircles and protects not only the husband and wife but also their children. It renders temptation and adversity ineffective. They cease having the power to destroy and instead only accelerate the purification and growth of both husband and wife and their relationship.
Avoiding
Deal Breakers is avoiding being drawn in by Harlot Attraction or Prude
Attraction Inhibitors. Soulmates do not involve themselves with
fornication, pornography, or anything that even approaches it.
Neither do they busy themselves with less important activities or mindsets that leave very little room for sustaining their Friendship and Romance. They don’t try to ignore, shut down, or numb their inherent sexual desire for each other. They humbly acknowledge their constant need for the other because this is the way God created them to be. In doing this
they both retain their desire to be sacredly and sexually intimate at a
similar frequency and intensity. It’s just a total “pocketful of
sunshine” for both.
Above art by James Christensen “Poofy Guy on a Short Leash"
Listen: "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingham
In a Soulmates Marriage both spouses choose to exercise their faith in their Marriage Counselor when the going gets tough. When the winds and storms of temptation or adversity assail them, they choose to remain steadfast in their commitment to God and to each other.
Listen: "How Firm a Foundation" by Paul Cardall
If they make mistakes by yielding to Deal Breakers, they do not keep making the same ones over and over but repent of them as quickly and as effectively as possible. This often requires the help of other members of the Marriage Counselor Team, given the virulence of the “infection.” Soulmates choose to be honest with each other, to forgive their spouse, and to endure periods of sacrifice when the other spouse is unable to keep his/her commitment in order for true repentance to occur.
Listen to this song about repenting: "Go Back" by Sweethaven
"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." ~Luke 8:17
They avoid evaluating each other and their Marriage Counselor Team with pride or envy. They refuse to harbor competitive thoughts against them. Instead they choose to develop and use characteristics of their Marriage Counselor such as humility, gratitude, confidence, and empathy. In this way they become more like Christ. They are powerful sources of light and love in their own circle of influence.
See blog post, "It All Starts with Humility"
Both spouses stand steadfast in their God-given mission—the one that each feels intensely passionate about to the core. They are dedicated to making whatever sacrifice God requires of them to fulfill this mission. They don’t allow themselves to get side-tracked with other missions that the World may value but that only serve as distractions to them. Because both do this they are a powerful force in bringing to fruition much good in the lives of their own children and others within their circle of influence. In being such, they are members of the Marriage Counselor team for them.
“And all nations shall call you blessed, for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of Hosts.” ~3 Nephi 24:12
That is a Soulmates Marriage. Now the questions are: Do you want it? Does your spouse want it? Are you both willing to keep the rules to obtain it?
We all need to improve our Rate of Progression in order to gain the ability to handle the
increasing Adversity that is inherent to this life. Because our mortal
bodies are not perfectly balanced and because they deteriorate as we get older we have a lot of natural pain and sorrow to
bear. Because Adversity is inherent to raising kids, we are required to
become more than we once were in order to remain balanced throughout
that part of our journey. Because of the growing societal trends to force Harlotry in our faces and conflicting ideas of what it means to be successful, Temptation and Adversity are increasing in intensity. Remaining faithful to Paradoxical living in the face of these Adversities and Temptations causes us to grow spiritually. Because of Adversity the
higher heights on the mountain are always calling to us. We can’t stay
wallowing in this lower fallen state, failing again and again. We must
somehow rise above it. The goal is not to overcome all Adversity. It's not to put an end to anything that challenges us. The goal is to reduce it to levels that are manageable through the Atonement of Jesus
Christ so that we can use the challenges it presents to our advantage. Thus both spouses will need to grow to some extent. They will need to improve their Rate of Progression. They will
need to make upward progression on the mountain in order to strengthen
their Forcefield to handle increasing Adversity and Temptation.
“Wherefore, all mankind were in a lost and in a fallen state, and ever would be save they should rely on this Redeemer.” ~1 Nephi 10:6
We
can still choose not to climb. We all know this. There have been
countless in history that have decided not to. When Adversity comes
they turn bitter and “harden their hearts.” They let the adversity
destroy them. They are angry because of it. They fight against it as
much as is possible in Survival of the Fittest living—Deal Breakers,
Pride & Envy, Harlot Attraction, Prude Attraction Inhibitors. They
don’t turn to the Lord. They refuse to be comforted.
“But
behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the
Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the
exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of
their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God,
even in the depth of humility. “ ~Alma 62:41
“...and his soul mourned and refused to be comforted.” ~Ether 15:3
So
let’s say the husband uses his agency to speed up his Rate of Progression while the wife
chooses things that slow hers. Action is required. Time is needed. Hope for a change in
heart. Faith that with his Paradoxical Strategies, she will turn away
from the Deal Breakers, the pseudo Attraction, and the conflicting
missions and return to her spouse in Chastity, to faith in Christ, to
Sustainable Attraction, and to their God-given mission. Again, time is
given. A space to repent.
“...nevertheless there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent...” ~Alma 12:24
That
space to repent in a Soulmates Marriage isn’t our entire lives. Why?
Because this life of Adversity and Temptation, being separated from God and his all encompassing love, creates the motivation to develop such a close relationship with another person. And this life is the time we need to be so close to another person to get through the Adversity and Temptation that are naturally ours in being separated from God's presence. Marriage itself is a huge part of God's Mercy for us. It's meant to be developed into a heaven on earth. It is the means by which God's Forcefield is wrapped around each of us and the means by which that Forcefield is expanded.
When we return home to our Heavenly Father, the Adversity and Temptations are no longer strong enough to present a challenge. In that environment how would we establish a
relationship in which both partners are required to rely on each other?
How would we actually demonstrate that this person is the one we want
to be with forever? We wouldn’t have the chance to say that in word and action again and again in order to seal our hearts together.
It takes time to develop a Soulmates Marriage. It takes trials and opportunity costs. When we choose to have faith in Christ and in our
spouse despite every other choice that is presented to us, a Soulmates
Marriage is sealed together.
“But
they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the
resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:” ~Luke 20:35
Note: I believe that those who don't have a chance to be married, through no fault of their own as judged by God and no one else, will have a chance to develop such a relationship in the millennium just as those who are unable to have children or who have had children who have died, will be able to be parents during that time and raise their children who have passed away in infancy.
"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: 'You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.' There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us." ~Joseph F. Smith
We
see how this is an exciting and dangerous game. Some may even resent
the fact that I call it a game but I do so to make the point that there
are rules we need to follow if we are going to play it. No one
complains that there are rules in sports. The rules are what make the
game fun. They are what challenge us. Things get pretty boring if
there are no commitments to be kept, lines to stay within, and
boundaries to the goals we need to make. Thus in addition to the random sources of Adversity, the laws of God themselves present us with a great deal of challenge.
Personal Story
My
boys have all played basketball. They like to play church ball when
that season comes around the first of the year. They can’t get enough
of it. When the season ends they don’t lose all interest to play but a
significant amount of it. Never fails they want the season to keep on
going. They still play but the overall energy seems to decrease. I
think that’s because the game is more of a challenge when they are held
to the rules by the referees. Things are tracked and measured. This is
exciting stuff! They love to test themselves against such a standard.
The same is true of the Lord’s rules for Soulmates Marriages. He is a
tough referee but he is fair in every way. He has our best interest in mind as well as our spouse's. Sometimes the refs at the
basketball games make bad calls. The Lord doesn’t. His calls aren't
over the top but neither is he a push-over. So when we’re feeling
censured by the Spirit, we know it’s a fair call and need to repent.
This is just another reason to develop our communication relationship
with God. We won’t find a better Referee! There’s no reason to get
bored with this life. There is life after the honeymoon! There are so
many challenges to bring us the good kind of energy and excitement life
and marriage are meant to be. So many people sing about how they want
peace but without God's rules to challenge us we’d all be bored to
death.
Self-Actualization is a term Psychologists have used to describe the measure of our creation and the need we all have for our own personal Love Language to be spoken. We are all seeing the same meaning. Everyone is just using a different word out of their personal language. Thus Self-Actualization is the name Psychologists use to describe this general truth. The fact that so many people are independently seeing the same thing is evidence that the concept is true. It is like we're all involved in a blind experiment and coming up with very similar evaluations of the things we can't see, hear, touch, or taste with our physical senses. Yet we can sense them with our spiritual senses.
Different Perspectives
Everyone
has an opinion of what will result in Self-Actualization. What does it mean to us personally to be “the best we can be?” That's good because this is where our agency comes in. We need to make that decision for ourselves. We need to engage in Scientific Experiments to find the truth of it out. Some people think
that we reach self-actualization when we become rich with money, property, vacations, etc.
Some people think that we reach it when we become rich with many friends
and family who all love us. Some people think it’s all about becoming
free from any Values at all. This
means we need to choose whose opinion matters the most to us. What do
we believe Self-Actualization is? When do we reach it? This is
usually identified in our chosen Religion and the Values that are
prescribed by it. Remember that we have defined Religion as the group
of people that have influenced us throughout our lives, whose Values we
have adopted as our own. Our Religion, regardless of whether we say we
believe in God or not, is our own paradigm or framework of what Values
we think will end in Self-Actualization. Thus it's the pinnacle of
whatever mountain we choose to climb. Most of us are on a pathway to
obtain this. The problem is that if the Values our chosen Religion
gives are not really ending us in Self-Actualization, we're going
to get there and remain unfulfilled. This is like entering the wrong
code so we cannot unlock the gate. It is like combining the wrong
substrates with an enzyme that was not designed to accommodate them. It
is like using the word toilet to try and communicate the meaning of car to someone else. It just doesn't work.
My
choice is to know what God’s opinion of Self-Actualization is. He
created me. I know if I learn what he created me to be and develop the ability to actually do it, I will
experience the greatest degree of happiness. So that means the man I
need to be married to needs to speak this Love Language to me. He needs
to be the key to the heart God created in me and vice versa. What
other people think we are and should become may be very different from
what we really are—what God has intended us to become.
And remember, obtaining Self-Actualization is not only about needing our Love Language to be spoken to us, but it is also about the need we have to speak it ourselves. When we speak
it, it is about using our skills, abilities, and talents to bless our specific
spouse, children, family members, friends, and others whom we are
assigned or prompted to assist along their journey. Through the
voluntary reciprocal sharing of talents, we obtain Sustainable Joy and
Attraction. This creates that Forcefield, that Love at Home, that
Pocketful of Sunshine that protects us all from overwhelming Adversity
and Temptation. The voluntary reciprocal sharing of talents is just
another way to describe the communication relationship that is possible when both spouses learn and use each other's Love Language. It is another way to describe Chastity--Reciprocity Attraction thoughts, words, and actions.
It's important to note here, that it would be very helpful for two people who are married to really enjoy speaking each other's language. That means that if the sacrifice of speaking our spouse's love language is only a total Joy for us and vice versa, this relationship and the Attraction in it are Sustainable.
Outside
Adversity can increase our sacrifice level beyond our present control.
The new baby keeps us up for most the night. A tornado destroys our
house. Our husband loses his job. Employer isn’t paying enough to
cover the bills. Neighbors telling us we need to control our kids. One
spouse is diagnosed with a major illness. Elderly parent moves in for
long-term care. In-laws don’t like us. Voice inside our head telling
us we’re a terrible parent and will never amount to much (Yes, this is
Outside Adversity even though it’s inside our head).
Because
of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we are protected from being squashed
by too much Outside Adversity. That protection has a first line of
defense, which is our Soulmates Marriage. It is the Forcefield around a
marriage of two people nurturing the Sustainable Attraction
between each other. That Forcefield protects both spouses and their
children. When the going gets tough, husband and wife turn to each
other for support. The Peace and Energy that flows between them is
enough to sustain their Joy through the hard times.
The
second line of defense is our family, friends, and other
fellow-believers in Christ. These are members of our Soulmates Marriage
team with whom we have appropriate loving relationships. This is the
purpose of family and organized religion. The scriptures have referred to these combined relationships as
Zion. A larger Forcefield encircles a group of marriages and families
so that Adversity does not have the power to overcome all those inside.
So even if an overwhelming degree of Outside Adversity hits one
marriage and family, with the support of their community, they will not
be overcome by it.
A hedge is another metaphor for the Forcefield:
"And
he began to speak unto them by parables. A certain man planted a
vineyard, and set an hedge about it, and digged a place for the winefat,
and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far
country." ~Mark 12:1
"For God will save Zion...that they may dwell there, and have it in possession." ~Psalms 69:35
The above video clip from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life" demonstrates how a Forcefield provides protection from overwhelming adversity. This particular Forcefield was created not just by a husband and wife but also by God, family, and a community of people who stick together in friendship.
The
third line of defense made possible by of the Atonement of Jesus Christ
is our relationship with God. I’ve listed this behind the first two
not because our Savior should be our last resort but because his atoning
power is operable through our spouse, our families, and Zion
communities first. Those are safeguards he has placed in the specific
position in our lives to be the means whereby we obtain Sustainable Joy,
Attraction, and Charity. They are the framework behind the
Forcefield. But if for some reason the first two lines of defense fail
or just aren’t enough for us individually, our Heavenly Father, Savior, the Holy Ghost,
and the kingdom of heaven (#Angels) will be there for us.
"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." ~John 15:5
The
key to retaining the above protection, is to take time when things are
still going well to develop our relationships with our spouse, family,
community, and God. In order for marriage, family, and a community of
fellow-believers to effectively maintain a Forcefield, the Values of God
need to be accepted and lived in each of our relationships. All
members need to be allegiant to them, repent when they don't get it
right, and forgive when others don't get it right. That creates a safe
place in which to grow while still giving more than ample opportunity
for diversity in culture, nationality, talents, and backgrounds. And in this sense, God is our first line of defense. When we keep his
commandments as our number one priority we are blessed and prospered.
But we need to remember that if we don’t develop these relationships
early (meaning now), when Outside Adversity comes, the protection won’t
be there.
"And
he hath said that: Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall
prosper in the land; but inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye
shall be cut off from my presence." ~2 Nephi 1:20
"And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." ~Moses 7:18
The
other reason we may not be receiving enough Peace is because our spouse
is not giving it to us. He may be experiencing a lot of his own
Outside Adversity over which he has little control. In that case, we
can choose to unite our faith with his and be that source of support he
needs to get through it. His Adversity is our own and we are promised
the same blessings of an increase in Joy, Charity, Attraction, and
Forcefield when both spouses rely on each other and turn to the
Atonement of Jesus Christ for aide.
Friendships, whether they are with our spouse or with another friend are built on similar principles. As a good friend, we support our friends when they are going through tough times. One exemplary friendship depicted in the "Lord of the Rings" by J.R. Tolkien is between Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins. Frodo has volunteered to carry the Ring of Power to Mordor, a major sacrifice. It is a heavy burden and no one else can take it and carry it for him. He has to do it. So there's this epic line that Sam says when he sees Frodo may not make it up the mountain to Mordor: "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." I see this as something we can do for our spouse when he is struggling to carry all of his responsibilities. Much of the time we can't help him by doing his responsibilities for him, but we can be there for him, love him, and comfort him. We can be that safe place where he comes to recharge and share all of his worries and concerns.
In the unique relationship between a man and a woman in marriage, God has granted us the privilege of sexual relations, which when practiced within the law have the powerful capacity to comfort so deeply and completely.
If
our spouse is experiencing Self-inflicted Adversity the resolution
process is for him to rebalance. He needs to stop allowing conflicting
sources to influence him. He needs to return to his God-given mission.
That may be easy for us to see but the key is to patiently work with
him so he can see it for himself. That includes a lot of empathy and
prayer on his behalf. It’s so easy to get caught up in the Values of
the world. It’s completely natural to want to achieve success among our
peers, co-workers, and in our society. It’s hard to discern when our
society’s Values are deviating from God’s. Our spouse has agency and we
can’t intervene with force, anger, or manipulation to get him
to rebalance. That is not God’s way and will cause us to deviate from
the balance if we try. But we can wait. We can persuade, plead, pray
for, and be consistent in our communication and Charity for our spouse
while he strives to rebalance.
Another
reason he may not be able to give us the Peace we need is that he’s
engaged in Deal Breakers. This causes him to lose his ability to dance
in balance with us. In fact, he’s off dancing with someone else. He’s
getting his Peace and Energy needs met through alternative sources.
When he continuously does this, he stagnates himself in his relationship
with God. Growth in Charity does not occur. His sacrifices in the
marriage start to feel like grudge sacrifices to him. He becomes very
upset with having to keep the commitments he has made. Lack of Charity
reduces the intensity of his Attraction, both our ability to feel attracted to him and his ability to feel attracted to us. This may affect the quantity
of Peace he can give us but more importantly it affects the quality of
it. The Peace that he does offers us is dull, lacking the life-giving
properties of Christ’s Peace.
"And it came to pass that the Lord of the vineyard did taste
of the fruit, every sort according to its number. And the Lord of the
vineyard said: Behold, this long time have we nourished this tree, and I
have laid up unto myself against the season much fruit. But behold, this time it hath brought forth much fruit, and there is none
of it which is good. And behold, there are all kinds of bad fruit; and
it profiteth me nothing, notwithstanding all our labor; and now it
grieveth me that I should lose this tree." ~Jacob 5:31-32
"Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour,
wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to
be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men." ~Matthew 5:13
So to wrap up the last 6 chapters, we see that the factors that cause us to dance in Fear are:
- Outside Adversity
- Self-inflicted Adversity
- Our Spouse’s Imbalance
The resolution process is to turn to the Atonement of Jesus Christ through:
- Our spouse
- Family and other members of a Zion Community
- Our hearts—our relationship with God
We discern the difference between Real and Self-inflicted Adversity by:
- Developing our communication with God (reading our heart)
- Acknowledging
and allowing the fact that in our relationship with our spouse, family,
and friends in our Zion Community (and outside of it) there is going to
be temporary imbalance and thus Adversity and pain
- Knowing that our sacrifice level is only as strong as the person we depend upon for Peace.
- Knowing how much pain our hearts can Voluntarily endure for another person before it turns into a Grudge Sacrifice
- Knowing that only Charity Sacrifices build love in marriages
If we want to dance, we’re going to have to dance with the Atonement of Jesus Christ through Adversity.
Listen: “Oh How the Years Go By” by Amy Grant
When I chose to enter into a covenant relationship with another person and
God, I sacrificed all other options. I made a solemn statement. I took this choice very seriously and listened to God during the
entire selection process. I did preliminary research to come up with a solid hypothesis. In testing this out,
the Spirit bore witness that it was indeed
the person with whom God would have me pursue this relationship.
Marrying that person took me on a specific journey--a more serious and risky trial
of my hypothesis. It eliminated other
journeys that I could have possibly taken. That was important to do
because I couldn't test out two or more conflicting hypotheses at the
same time (#Deal Breakers). I had to believe with all my heart that I would obtain a Soulmates Marriage with this specific person. The
journey has not been what I expected. There have been trials and adversity
that are different than what would have been mine if I had chosen a
different person to marry. But if I indeed gave plenty of time to researching and praying and received
confirmation that my choice of spouse was in alignment with God’s will
for me, then I can let go of any bitter “This isn’t fair!” and “The
grass is greener on the other side” thoughts that I may be
entertaining even though the relationship has ended in divorce. 
